I have had some lovely comments on the back of this blog so far. And whilst I have been truly buoyed be people suggesting I am strong and inspirational, the secret is that I am really neither of those things, which you would quickly understand if you saw me trying to get ready some mornings after yet another broken night’s sleep. I am just a mum doing the usual juggling act, to varying degrees of success.
But I do appreciate what people are saying (and do feel free to keep laying on complements, which clearly I love). That what we have been through is hard and you need strength to come out the other side.
But I will let you in to another secret. I could never, ever, in a million years have coped with the past year on my own. I would not be in the positive place I am now and I would not be writing this blog. All that I am and have survived is due to the unfailing and consistent support of a very loving and very wonderful husband.
Having a child with additional needs puts a huge strain on a relationship. I see a lot of partnerships break down on the back of it. And you can see why. The constant worry of the future, relentless hospital appointments and therapies, new medical issues coming up all the time, emergency situations….it is intense. When something is as all-consuming as the child you love so very much being ill and vulnerable, how can you ever talk about anything else? How can you find time for you as a couple again? I read stories of relationships breaking down on forums every day sadly and I can see how easy it is for that to happen. I would be lying if I said we hadn’t ourselves had moments where communication has failed and we have found ourselves in heated debate about pointless things.
However, I am so lucky with Sunil (the husband) that he has the patience of a saint, is forgiving and noble and arguments will never last that long (usually of course, I am in the right as well.) He has been at my side, at our sides for every step of the way, from that initial 20 week scan to where we find ourselves today, both emotionally and practically. His strength, love and optimism is what keeps us all going. He has been there in my darkest moments to listen to some of my deepest fears and worries, always with his calm and rational outlook, even though I know this is as hard for him as it is for me, as neither of us really know what the future holds. He puts up and indulges my endless neurosis as far as Marigold is concerned, whilst gently trying to talk me down when I work myself up too much. There have been occasions where quite frankly, I would have walked out on me for emotional and crazy behaviour, but he takes it all in his stride. My rock is really quite unrockable
Loyal, loving, caring, calm, and patient with a very, very daft and often inappropriate sense of humour (because it is so important to be able to laugh, even and especially when times are hard.) That’s my husband.
The love and devotion he shows for both our children is such a wonderful thing to behold. His tenderness for his tiny daughter often makes me feel like my heart is going to burst. And it goes without saying that Marigold adores her father. She reserves her most special and winning smile for the moment he walks through the door after work.
Oh yes, and he is also my proof reader and sanity check for this blog, which means this piece is probably riddled with errors as I haven’t sent it to him first.
Today it is our third wedding anniversary in the eight years we have been together (us being modern parents and having done everything back to front). I remember someone saying to me once that you know you are with the right person when together the hard times become easier, and whilst the past year has not exactly been easy, I know one thing for sure: that I could not do this journey without him by my side.
Written with all my love to my wonderful husband Sunil on our anniversary. Why bother with a boring old card when you have your own blog?!